Why Doesn't God Just Fix Me?

Humor is comfortable.

Humor it can lighten the mood.

Humor also doesn’t lead to growth.

As a general rule, relationships give me anxiety.

Not all the time, and not all relationships. But it’s hard for me to be confident in the way someone is going to interact with me. There’s a lot of fear there for me.

Communicating hard truths, telling people no, sitting in discomfort, letting people down, these things give me anxiety.

I think I’m friendly, sociable, can be easy to talk to, but those things don’t make deep relationships.

I need something deeper, more personal, revealing myself to others, that will lead to deep relationships.

That’s what I find that I lack. The everyday, nuts and bolts, conversations and challenges that build deep relationships.

It’s much easier for me to be funny, give small details about myself, and move on with my life.

In one sense it’s frustrating, because I feel like I’m missing something. But in another sense it’s comfortable, because I can control what happens and how people respond to me.

But that’s not the model of Jesus that we have in scripture.

Jesus is gentle, friendly, but always willing to have hard conversations or call people out on their stuff.

But oftentimes that thought frustrates me as well, because I feel further and further from the standard of Jesus.

But I don’t serve God because I have it all together, I serve him because he’s good and he’s leading me towards something better.

Often I wish he’d just hurry up and fix me. I’m tired of my junk.

But that’s never really promised to us. And those moments are opportunities for me to realize my limitations. To cloth myself with humility, and I lessen my expectations of others because I’m in touch with how broken I can be.

I think a sinful but repentent Morgan is a better dad and husband than a fixed and healthy Morgan. I’m not sure if that’s why God doesn’t fix me immediately??? But it’s better when I realize that, and reflect that He is good in spite of my brokenness.